The Manifesting

That which I wish to feel, is that which I need to chase.

The material things come in tandem as a natural byproduct, but…that feel-good feeling doesn’t necessarily come in tandem with reaching for & achieving the material.

Striving for the feeling never disappoints, the result is always ample & robust.

The material left me feeling a fleeting moment of fulfillment at best & empty at worst. 

It’s the moments that are rich in feeling that redirect me to my true north, to that which I really want. Nature has relentlessly thrown me into the feeling of being enamored with life & at peace with it all. She is, for me, infallible. 

When I thought of what I wanted from my time in Argentina, it looked something like:

A wide, wall-to-wall, floor-to-ceiling window with expansive views of snowy mountains in the not so far off distance.

I’d be tucked into the folds of an oversized armchair with this panoramic view of the Argentinean Andes. The only other things I would have in front of me would be endless hours of writing & coffee. I’d be in some idyllic cabin that was equal parts luxury and rustic. Some pretentious version of bougie meets nature.

This was what I wanted to manifest, but it wasn’t long after I arrived that some scarcity-filled, limiting beliefs burst in & convinced me that I wouldn’t be able to make it happen. 

After concluding that this dream was far out of reach, I stick to focusing on another dream that I had been manifesting for years: summiting Aconcagua. It was on evening 12 or 13 of the hiking expedition (honestly, I’ve always been terrible at counting & such details are neither here nor there) that I had one of those time-stopping déjà vu moments.

I venture out from my tent to give the sun the farewell it deserves. A despedida filled with awe & appreciation. I look around & realize that this sight is not unfamiliar...I think, ‘I know you…I’ve seen you…once upon a dream.”

That visual manifestation that once existed only in my mind was unraveling by the second. Before me is an uninterrupted view of the mountains, albeit unadulterated by the glass of any window. The mountains are much, much closer than “not so far off”. They appear to me more vivid & majestic than could be conjured in a mental image. I behold them at eye-level & needn’t crane my neck to see their tops. The sun burns white on the snow that lay upon them & a crescent moon hangs low just above them. Slim & slender as I like her to be & delicate as this moment

My expedition jacket swallows me whole & fulfills its promise to keep me warm in below freezing temperatures. The rock I’m sitting on has a perfect curve that provides me with the perfect support & angle I need to lean back & feel comfortable as I sit.

Those previous images flash before me as I look from my journal to the wide world around. It was not exactly the moody morning musings that I had in. mind, but it was, in more ways than not, much better.

I’m not just looking at the mountains but sitting with them, shoulder to shoulder in one giant communal gathering. The scene pulls me back to center by bringing me moments that reconnect me with those feelings I’ve been chasing, those feelings that I’ve rightfully put on a pedestal.

To feeling stilled

To feeling inspired

To feeling content with all there is

To feeling small & big

To feeling content that existence alone is a reason to love & be loved, to have & keep faith, to live & let live.

It is the feeling I’m chasing, not the material aspect. The physical manifestation is a natural byproduct of chasing those feelings I hold in such high regard.

It is but one step in manifesting that which I originally desired.