Emotions as Messengers

Emotions carry real-time, raw information about how we are interpreting the experiences of life. We have tendency to categorize emotions as being positive or negative, which inherently encourages us to either embrace the emotion or avoid it like the plague. Denying ourselves the right to feel these so-labeled “negative” emotions, by denying ourselves of something that is so natural to our existence as a human, we are doing ourselves a huge disservice.

There is a practice of shifting one’s perspective of how we view emotions.

Many practice using the term “neutral” to describe any emotions, but that in itself may not go far enough. Emotions are important and defining them as being neutral can undermine their credibility. Emotions are a direct representation of how we are interpreting life with the overtones of our past experiences. When we see emotions for what they truly are, then we are able to analyze the belief behind the emotion and effectively integrate it into our lives.

 When we view emotions as a messenger that carries valuable information, we can even better accept it, embrace it, and learn from it.

When we avoid emotions, we push it down and oppress its voice, which has something important to say. Should we choose to listen to it with rapt attention, curiosity, and non-judgement, we will learn something.

Something that just might set us free.

The Application Process

We’re so prone to label jealousy as negative, ugly, and unfavorable. Whether we feel jealousy in a relationship with a romantic partner, a friend, a family member, or a person of celebrity, we tend to deny its presence. Instead, we may replace it with harsh judgment or a belittling remark. Admitting to feeling jealousy can be equated to admitting to one’s weakness, to admitting that we are our worst fear: not perfect, not good enough, not superior.

What is behind the feeling of jealousy? When we get past the shame associated with it, we can learn from it. Jealousy simply informs us that we want something that another person has or is doing.

One of my best friends is a fierce force of confidence and determination. One day, she did something I really admired. She decided to go on her very own solo trip around the world. At first, I was ecstatic for her for going after her dreams. Yet in the aftermath of finding out, I felt conflicted. I had a burning feeling of jealousy toward my best friend.

The jealousy made me feel shameful, inadequate, and less than.

But I loved her so much. I was incredibly happy for her. I was incredibly proud of her and in awe of her determination. How could I experience such a negative, shameful feeling toward someone I admired and loved so dearly?

The answer is quite simple. I wanted to do what my dear friend was doing.

I reflected on my own dreams to travel all over Latin America and completely immerse myself in its various cultures, speak the many dialects of the Spanish language, and to embrace a whole new perspective of life. I wanted to do this all by myself. My vision was clear. I knew what I wanted. But I was immobilized by the fear of what people would say.

How could anyone understand that? How could anyone in my circle support that? I once told a friend my vision. She responded, “I don’t want you to go.” And there it was. My confirmation that I wouldn’t be supported in my dream. Not only was I crestfallen by her response, but I allowed it to influence my decision to not actively plan a solo trip. I was raised to be a good girl and to follow the rules. I felt that I had to have validation and support for everything I was doing with my life.

I decided not to chase my dream because I was chained down by my own self-limiting beliefs.

Unpacking the Emotion

Emotions arise from some cataclysmic external event or stimuli with the intent to inform us of something important. We either pay attention to our emotions or we ignore them, pushing them into our subconscious.

If suppressed into the subconscious, the trapped emotion will lash out like fanged snake stuck inside of a jack in the box. Instances like traffic, loud chewing, or not turning a light off in a room can be what turns the handle to the jack in the box. One of those non-related events can turn the toy box just enough times to unleash an explosion of emotion. Yet the explosion does nothing to release the emotion. In order to purge an emotion, we must express it honestly.

We honor our emotions through fully acknowledging them, either with another person or through introspection. Expressing our emotions transforms it into something tangible. Once tangible, we we can sift through it, analyzing its parts and pieces.

The message behind the emotion is indeed very true to the person experiencing it. However, the foundation of an emotion is based on beliefs that may stem from an old, unhealed wound or a self-limiting thought process. Therefore, it is our sole responsibility to investigate the integrity of our beliefs.

In the inquiry process, we investigate where, when, and how the belief was formed. When we confront its origin(s), we see it for what it is really is.

When I realized that my friend was pursuing a dream that so closely mirrored my own, I panicked. The glowing embers deep within me were poked and prodded until they were burning.

I had to do something with this fiery energy:

Become engulfed by the flames of resentment

Or

Run like hell in pursuit of my dreams

The first choice is rather easy. It requires me to take no action. I merely continue on with how I’ve always lived; with how I’ve always done things. Yielding, you guessed it, the same results as before. It’s a choice that fosters and sustains the victim mentality. It keeps me immobilized in this holding pattern of believing that I am chained to certain expectations and ideals.  The first choice comes from a place of self-victimization.

The second choice requires bravery and actionable steps. It is not a choice of ease or comfort. But it is the choice that will affect evolution of oneself. It is the choice that will deliver one into the realm of the higher self. The second choice comes from a place of empowerment.

As fate would have it, I was born to run.

The healthy antidote for jealousy is clear. It does not involve feeling shame or wanting to put down the other person. It requires an action plan to obtain one’s own version of the thing or action that other person has or is doing. 

Months later I find myself walking up and down the international terminal in the Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta airport. My head swivels to read each gate’s destination. I get a thrill reading the  names of exotic, foreign lands. In this moment I think,

“It’s all happening”

This is just the beginning of my adventures abroad. I thank myself for stepping out of the victim mentality by releasing those self-limiting beliefs. I realize I chose better for myself and, in doing so, I created this beautiful opportunity that all stemmed from a pang of jealousy.