La Promesa

El Tunco, El Salvador

What does one do with the love that is lost?

Is it only time that heals a hurting heart?

Or is it understanding that love is never lost, it is only misplaced? That love that was once poured into another is to be poured back into oneself? Is it emulating and recreating that love they gave to you?

From the deep heart aches I’ve experienced, I’ve learned that yes, time heals.

But more lasting, and more timely is energy.

The healing salve comes from reconnecting deeply with myself, by remembering and honoring an age-old promise I made to myself:

Te prometo el mundo - I promise you the world.

I crafted this vow in a moment of choosing hope over despair. It was this energetic shift that lifted me out of the depths of sorrow. As I recently was faced yet again with grief, I first honored the pain and then committed solemnly to the reclamation of my soul and spirit. I let the voice of my inner knowing lead me on the path forward.

In grounding myself in faith, I was able to see the small synchronicities line up and swivel the arrow on the compass in the right direction. I was able to hear the place of a destination call to me.

And how coincidental, or not very coincidental at all, that I was led to a land whose very name means

Rescuer

Savior

Defender

I came to El Salvador to be my own savior.

Initially, I understood the implication of the country’s name on a less conscious level of awareness. It is not until I sit down to drink coffee on my first morning there that I am able to clearly see this adventure for what it is: a grand re-connection with self.

Void of the influence of the daily grind, I have the chance to solely focus on understanding my wants, needs, and what my soul deeply desires. It looks like me taking things slow. Doing things to challenge myself, that increase my confidence, but not overwhelming myself with a productivity list. I begin again the practice of choosing faith over tears; that I will attract an even bigger love into my life who is aligned with who I truly am.

I recognize the duty I have of protecting myself from the low vibrational states of despair, grief, and feeling unloved. I honor those feelings as a sign of great love that once was, but move forward toward acceptance and peace once I let them run their course.

The pain has no limits unless I take the steps to lessen its plight. So, I thank the pain for giving me this opportunity to become stronger and to guide me to where I still have a deep wound.

And then I get to work healing it.

I shift my perspective, with greater determination, to understanding that a break-up is a sign of two people not being compatible. We only interpret the brokenness as rejection if we are rejecting a part of ourselves. And so I reconcile with those parts of myself I haven’t made room to fully love.

I set to loving all the parts of myself. I honor when I need to rest. I honor when I need the sun. I honor when I need to lay and stare out at the window because its the only act my body can muster. I honor the call of the road and mindlessly drive halfway to Guatemala as the purging of emotions numb me in my entirety. But I never stay in those moments longer than necessary. I take one small step out of the low energetic states and mobilize to expanding my interaction with joy.

My feeble mind thinks of only one thing that can guarantee joy and so I chase her to cliff views of the ocean and the top of a mountain to behold a dreamy crater lake.

“And suddenly her winter passed, and the sun shone on her, “ JRR Tolkien

I stayed awhile, sitting in the sun, letting her warmth envelop my coldness. I looked out and let the vista fill in the pieces that felt empty. In those moments, I sat in love as she reveals herself to me and I received her. In those moments of expanding joy, I returned to center, to myself, to knowing that the person I’ve been waiting for is me.

So how does one “superar” or “get over” a break-up?

By remembering that you are your own savior.